Floating Lights

The water is artificially colored black perhaps simply to hide the plumbing structures. The treatment turns the surface into a mirror, doubling the amount of flowers and floating candles in the sunken garden.The reflection of light is breathtaking. The palate of the curent flower display varies shades of and intensities of purple. The main species for me is a stunning lavendar hibiscus with a mottled design of spotches and ripples of a deep plum.
Grandma Joyce loved hibiscus and replaced them as they faded. I bought one to adorn her hospice room, hoping to distract her from her disgust at ending upon a locked, long term care, nursing unit. She was heavily drugged, and unconscious most of the time. I hope that when she surfaced between doses, she was able to see the bright yellow blossoms on ther nightstand.
Not only was she grandmother of 13, but she had the honor and priviledge of achieving status as a great-grandmother 6 times. Her grandparenting style differed significantly from baby to baby determined by proximity and the relationship between herself and each adult child. For my older brother she was vigilant and invasive. When he was arrested for selling weed, child protection called her to assume temporary custody of his boys. She did not hesitate for a moment before jumping in her car and zooming to their rescue.
On the other extreme, she made it quite clear to me, as she held my firstborn, that I could not expect her to support my parenting efforts. After all, she had struggled to raise 6 babies of her own and had no interest in revisiting that nightmare.
It is not uncommon for women of her generation to take on that attitude. And the emotional impact of mistakes and regrets can open unhealed wounds with painful results. Rather than bringing awareness to the unrealistic expectations we harbor when we work our original parenting plan, some of us hide and pretend that it is the childs fault. We project our own misconceptions and fears on this empty page of new life and trick ourselves into continuing the neurotic approaches generation after generation. Yet, if we can find a tiny sense of detachment, as the drama unfolds, to allow the fears and anger surface, opportunity arises. We have a chance to change the course of the interaction. And even if we cannot stop ourselves in the moment, we can return to the event and heal the emotional wound.